308.2 Disappointment and Fitbit

How I feel about the recent weight loss success stories.

Yes, I am feeling discouraged now.  I know diets take a lot of weight off at first and then level off and that
there are many factors involved, chiefly, muscle gain can slow overall weight gain down.  I am aware.  This week, I have been settling into a workout routine.  I've been doing a bit of strength training and yoga on the wii (10 different workout poses) and walking a mile around my town home complex. I'm trying to get in 5,000 steps a day, but since I'm not working and I sit around all day, I'm not meeting that goal all the time.  Now I'm considering that the workout poses on the wii are too much.  Maybe I should just stick to walking?  I'm supposed to be dropping the weight super fast, but since Monday, I've lost a little over a pound.  When it was flying off me, I was sure that I was going to be in the 200's today.  It's all just a little disheartening. . . .

So how do you cheer up a chubby without food?  NEW STUFF!!  How do I make a long story short? . . . Just read this part really fast:

In January 2013, my husband succumbed to my pleading and got me a Fitbit One as a late Christmas present (burgundy, to be exact).  I clipped that puppy to my bra and had so many wonderful adventures.  Somehow knowing that there is a device on you measuring your activity just makes you want to be more active, you know?  Sure, it was uncouth of me to have to reach into my bra and fish it out just to show my friends my new toy, but it was AMAZING!  It had a little screen on it that gave me up to date readings on my steps, flights of stairs, and sleep? (I think?) Thee was even a flower that showed you your progress, and it would say cute things to me like "Way to go, Katie!" "You can do it!"  I loved that thing.

Well, about five months in, the spot where I kept the fitbit started to get sore, and truth be told, I started to become concerned about microwaves and breast cancer.  I thought maybe I should try a different spot to see if it would get sore there, too.  So one day, I put fitbit on the right side of my bra by my arm just to see if that would make a difference.  By mid afternoon, it was gone.  Gone.  Sadness.  Despair.  Gone.

Cut to a week ago when a friend suggested to me that I contact Fitbit Customer Support.  Against all reason, Fitbit decided to give me a new one.  WHAT??  It's been over a year!  I guess they are just that cool.  I asked them if they could send me a wristband model instead of another One b/c I was afraid of losing it, but they said they couldn't do that.  Know what I did?  When it came in the mail yesterday,  I went to Best Buy and traded it in for a teal Fitbit Flex!  WHOOT!  This one doesn't have the cool screen, but it does sync with my phone so I can get all the same info (maybe without the encouraging words).  SO EXCITED!!   It really is helping me forget about how bummed I am with my weight plateau.

308.9 lbs Meal Replacements

Dr. Tague's office weighed me at 2:30 and I was at 313 lbs.

I was going to do this a while ago, but just didn't.  I thought I would go through each of the things I have to eat ("have to" not as in someone is forcing me, but as in that's what I have).

Vitamins and Supplements

I have fourteen pills in the morning and fifteen at night that I have to take.  They vary in size, so I've been taking three at a time, making sure there's only one big one in each group of three.  I tried taking them all at once in the beginning, but nearly choked.  I don't know what all of them are for, but I do know the tiny gold ones are Vitamin D, the brown circles are Iron, the three larger speckled ones are a Metabolism Booster, and the giant gold ones are my Omega 3 fish oils.  I'm going to take this opportunity to kind of boast about these Omega 3's.  I have taken several kinds fish oil pills before.  I gave up on them because no matter how much the bottle would brag about "no fishy aftertaste", I would always find myself minding my own business and all of a sudden being overcome by several rancid fish burps.  Blech.  These are the best Omega 3's I've had yet.  Granted, I do have the occasional fish burp, but it's usually just one and it's not that powerful.  I haven't even had a fish burp in the last few days.  I'm very pleased with these.




8:00 a.m.  Oatmeal


I admit, I didn't care for the oatmeal my first day.  I prepared it according to the directions and the thickness and consistency grossed me out.  I have since decided that adding more water and drinking it like a shake is much better.  Though, it doesn't look that appetizing, does it? Rick asked me last week when I came home with all this food, why can't we just buy oatmeal from the store and portion it out?  Little did either of us know that the oatmeal is not really oatmeal.  Or at least, not oatmeal in a form I've ever known.

Technically, I am supposed to eat the oatmeal first and then take my supplements.

10:00 a.m. Chocolate Shake

The chocolate shake is pretty run of the mill.  It tastes just like a Slim Fast shake.  I got used to those a long time ago.  I know it says to serve them cold, but I have come to prefer mine room temp because they go down faster.  Honestly, this is pretty enjoyable for me.  The straw is pretty fun.  It telescopes out much like a tampon applicator.












12:00 p.m. Chicken Noodle Soup and White Cheddar Soy Crisps

The Chicken Noodle Soup is pretty good. It reminds me of those cheap Ramen Noodle packets, only if instead of boiling the noodle block, you just heat up the bouillon packet and add the noodle crumbs.  It's satisfying because it is warm and therefore filling. I've learned that with the soups, it's best to stir the powder in hot water from the faucet and then microwave them for 1 minute.  Before I added the microwaving step, even with boiling water, the powder would not fully dissolve and would leave a thick residue on my teeth.

I have the White Cheddar Soy Crisps on the side, and they are okay.  They smell like that smelly European cheese.  The texture bothered me.  They're REALLY crunchy, and they break down into smaller REALLY crunchy pebble like pieces.  I ended up figuring out that if I put them in the soup, it softens them.  The smelly cheese flavor makes the soup less enjoyable, but it still tastes pretty good overall.

3:00 Chocolate Comfort Bar

This bar does not disappoint.  While I'm still not sure if it would actually melt in higher temperatures, this is what I have to look forward to in the mid afternoons.  The flavor is not unlike a Nestle Crunch bar, and there are actually little crisps inside, although not very many.  If it gives you any idea, I got in my car, ripped into this bar and was chewing on my first two squares before it occurred to me to take a picture.  I even gave my husband a half a square the other day and he was impressed.  Whoever named this bar hit the nail on the head.








4:30 Satisfy Fiber Drink

I don't know if you can tell, but this turns into more of a gel when it sits long enough (5-10 minutes).  I was drinking it slowly tonight because we went on a few errands before dinner and I knew I wasn't going to be back for a while.  The whole point of this drink is to prepare your stomach to be full at dinner time?  Or make you fuller?  I don't know.  It's a cherry lemonade flavor, and while it smells awful, it tastes pretty good.  It grosses my husband out, though, and he wasn't too patient with me holding the bottle upside down once we had stopped waiting for that last little bit to ooze out.







5:00 Beef Vegetable Soup and Chocolate Shake

I know it doesn't sound like a whole lot, but once I have that Beef Vegetable Soup and Chocolate Shake, I'm good to go for the rest of the evening.  I still have cravings, and it seems like around dinner time is when they get the worst, but these two beauties help me feel full and satisfied.  I already talked about the shake, and the soup is a lot like the Chicken Noodle, only beef flavored, and it has little dehydrated carrots in it.  It's quite good.

7:00 Vanilla Shake

The Vanilla Shake is pretty tasty, although it leaves a weird after taste in my mouth.  This really isn't a big deal, though, because I can just brush my teeth or drink lots of water with my pills to make it go away.   It did start to gross me out when I realized how similar it looked to breast milk. . .












Overall, the food is doable.   I generally don't care what I eat throughout the day, but it seems I have the strongest cravings around dinner time.  I mentioned that I drank the Satisfy Fiber on the way to running errands.  It lasted me about 45 minutes, and by the time we got to Sam's Club, I was longing for that big box of Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls and wondering when I would be able to EAT again.  I actually got pretty testy with Rick over something small and I realized I was agitated about not being able to eat food NOW.  Once we got home and I had some soup and shake, I calmed down.

This meal plan is designed to keep my metabolism working by having me eat every 2-3 hours.  The times I put on each heading were approximations, and I think I ran in to trouble because there was too big of a time gap between my fiber drink and actual dinner.  I'm still getting the hang of this thing, but I'm pleased with it so far.

310.4 lbs Weight Loss Updates

310.4 lbs

Okay, I didn't start recording my progress sooner because I guess I didn't want to take this program seriously. I don't know, you just stop losing hope in things when every weight loss program you try fails. The thing you need to understand about being this heavy is that five pounds is often the difference between breakfast and dinner.  In other words, I weigh myself in the morning and have one weight, weigh myself again in the evening and I'm five to ten pounds heavier.  This is why you really have to weigh yourself at the same time each morning on the same scale.  In the start of this process, I did not use the same scales.  Still,here is a brief rundown of things so far:

Early in June, I weighed myself in the middle of the afternoon on my unreliable* bathroom scale.  It said 330.

On June 11, I went to Dr. Tague's office for initial tests.  My weight on their scale said 326.

On June 12, I started using my Wii fit again and it said I was at 321.7

On June 16, Wii Fit said I was 318.8

On June 18, I went back to Dr. Tague's office to start the program.  My weight on their scale said 319.**

On June 20, Wii Fit said I was 314.2

On June 21, Wii Fit said I was 312.8

Today, June 23, Wii Fit said I was 310.4

So . . . Overall, I have seen my weight go down.  If I can believe that my bathroom scale was on to something, I have lost 20 lbs total.  Since I was officially weighed at Dr. Tague's office, I have lost 16 lbs in a week and a half.  About 9 of those pounds have come off in 4 days on this meal replacement program.

Wow.  I'm really bad with numbers, so I'm still trying to work out how I calculated that wrong. . . .

No. . . . I think it's right.

Wow.  My Wii Fit is worried about my rapid weight loss.  It keeps telling me it's not good to lose weight so fast.  If I wasn't being monitored by a doctor, I would be worried, too.  Wow.


*I can stand on that scale three consecutive times and get three different numbers.
**I began walking most mornings on June 12 and that alone took off that initial 7 lbs.

319 lbs The First Day of CNPM

CNPM is my abbreviated slang for Center for Nutrition and Preventative Medicine.

Okay, so last week, I had some fitness tests done, got weighed, filled out a very long questionnaire, had some blood taken . . . but today.  Today was the accumulation of all the information they received about me and the analysis according to Dr. Tague of what should be done about it.

It started with some more questions from a nurse to kind of follow up on information.  She went over my blood tests and my body analysis with me.  I'm currently 319 lbs.** There was a readout that told me how much of that was fat and how much was really truly me.  Needless to say, the numbers weren't good.  My blood tests showed that I was deficient in Vitiman D and Iron, and that my blood sugars were higher than they like.   It showed a couple of other irregularities that I do not understand, but might have something to do with all the pills.  Later on in my session, a nurse came back with a butt load of Vitamin D pills for me to take.  I mean seriously, it was a lot.  I asked her later how many pills she had given me and she told me it was 30 pills.  I'm going to take a picture and show you how many that really is at the end of this post.

After all the talk with the nurse, Dr. Tague came in to speak with me.  I think that was one of the most candid and interesting talks about my weight I have ever had.  He had the little "why do I think I'm fat" quiz that I had filled out, he had my blood test results, and he had my body fat analysis form all to work with and what he had to say was kind of surprising.

He talked about my dramatic spike in weight since age 20 and how that's not normal.  I estimated that when I was 20, I weighed about 220 lbs.  Since then, 15 years later, I've put on about 100 lbs.  That is not supposed to happen.  He emphasized that I was intelligent and capable, but despite my best efforts, my weight was still going up.  I guess I've just gotten used to the notion that my weight gain is my fault.  He asked me why I thought I had gained so much weight.  I was kind of taken aback because I thought it was obvious.  I told him lack of proper diet and exercise, and then I told him I emotionally eat and a lot of my life has been stressful  and eating makes me feel better.  He seemed to like the last part of my answer.  He started telling me that lack of exercise wasn't the reason for my weight gain.  He said most people don't go to the gym on a regular basis, but they aren't putting the weight on like I have.  He narrowed my problem down to genetics and a wanky metabolism.   It's weird, but this is a conversation I've needed to have for years and it does make sense.  I've always felt like losing weight was like sucking my gut in.  When I did it, it improved my look and I felt better about myself, but I could only do it for so long before I had to relax and once I relaxed, I was back to where I started. ***

The end result was he put me on a plan for a BUNCH of vitamins and complete meal replacements.  I'm not supposed to eat ANYTHING outside of this plan.  Well, there's a list of "free" things like spices or certain condiments.  I'm surprised that more vegetables aren't on there, but I can eat 2 servings of spinach and mixed greens per day.  I am on this strict diet for as long as it takes to get me to a certain weight goal.  I'm not sure, but I think it's when I get to 220, and then we wean me off the meal plan and (hopefully) some of these supplements.  Seriously, they have me taking 16 pills in the morning, 4 pills at 4 pm, and 14 pills at night.  I'm surprised they want me to eat any food on top of that.  I'm also taking a Satisfy Fiber powder drink that I mix up before supper to help fill me up.  OH!  And I forgot about the appetite suppressant. That one he had to prescribe and I haven't picked it up from the pharmacy yet.

I'm seriously so overwhelmed by all of this, and of course, when the nurse was going over all of this stuff with me, all I saw were dollar signs.  Nothing prepared me for my total, though.  There were some discounts involved, but the end grand total was $301.  I haven't told Rick yet.  I'm not done peeing my pants over that total yet.  The food they gave me will last a week, and the vitamin supplements are good for a month, but man.  Man man man, that sounds like a lot of money.   I'd better be 100% on board with this or else Rick will REALLY have something to be upset about. What a waste of money if I just give up on it!  Hopefully, I will be able to see the monetary value of it sometime soon.  I put this first installment on my medical flex card, but if this goes on for too many months, I don't see the flex card holding out.  I might start looking into part time jobs to make up the difference.  Maybe my mom will have a generous wild hair and offer to pay for it.  She's excited about this new program from what I was able to tell her a couple of weeks ago.  Now that I have more information, I think she'll be even more excited for me.  I want to be excited, but right now I'm just stressed.

Pictured above: The meal replacement food.  I'm supposed to eat the oatmeal for breakfast, a chocolate shake for a mid-morning snack, the chicken noodle soup and cheddar chips for lunch, a chocolate bar for an afternoon snack, the beef vegetable soup and another chocolate shake for dinner, and the vanilla pudding for an evening snack.  Basically, I'm supposed to eat every 2 to 3 hours to get my metabolism going.

Pictured above:  My legion of supplements.  From left to right:  Metabolism Essentials multivitamin, Omega 3 Essentials, Potassium Citrate, 5-HTP, Vitamin D-3 Iron Chelate, Cal Mag Essentials, Chromium GTF 200, and Satisfy Fiber.  Nuts.

Pictured above:  Remember when I said the nurse returned with 30 Vitamin D pills for me to take?  I counted 30 of them out for you to see.  It was more daunting when I saw them in that little dixie cup she gave me. I still seriously feel them stuck in my esophagus.  

**This is surprisingly 11 lbs less than last week, but I was also suffering from the period from hell and that might have had a lot to do with it.  I have been walking daily (mostly) since then and I think that has helped, too.

*** He did mention that he would like me to wait until I've lost 80-100 lbs before I get pregnant.  I really didn't want to go on birth control on top of everything else, but he did mention a spermicide gel for the meantime.  On top of everything else right now, I really don't want to spend more money on things for this program. . . but I want to be healthy before I get pregnant, too.   I don't know.  One of the many things to talk about with Rick.

326 lbs Asking For Help

I have done the unthinkable.  I have gone to a dietitian for help.  I think my last few posts have highlighted my despair when it comes to losing weight.  I'm just not good at staying on track.  Hopefully, going to a Dr. whom I have to PAY will help me focus.  I have signed up for the Center of Nutrition and Preventative Medicine.  It actually was my doctor that suggested I give it a try, and Obama's health care reform actually made it possible for my insurance to cover a good chunk of it!

I went in seven months ago to have a free consultation, but because our Flex Plan card was almost used up, Rick wanted me to wait until April when the plan would roll over again.  April was stupid busy, so I had plenty of reasons to put it off until later.  Well, later has come!

Today I went in for a fitness and agility test, blood test, and other things.  They took and EKG, which I had to admit I had no idea what that really was.  I had heard about it on TV, but didn't know it was the sticky things they put all over and attach to a thing to monitor your heart.  Okay.  I don't know if this time will really work for me, but here's hoping.