Breakfast: The Most Important Meal of the Day

I have the prestigious job of serving breakfast at the school where I teach. As part of our district's Health initiative, we are given food from some district kitchen somewhere that has to meet some sort of nutritional guideline. I'm thinking these guidelines are very loosely monitored. Today it was a slice of Texas Toast soaked in butter and covered on one side with a layer of cinnamon and sugar. Don't get me wrong, these things are stinkin' awesome. One perk of my job is my freedom to take a breakfast if there are any leftovers and I'm not gonna lie. I snatched one of those puppies up!

Now I get the task of deciding whether or not I should feel guilty about this breakfast choice. If we were to eat these at home, I would make a plate with two of these bad boys, a pile of scrambled eggs with cheese on top (or two fried eggs), three or four slices of bacon, and about 16 oz of whole milk. If I wasn't to the point of throwing up after all that, I would have found room for one or two more of those cinnamon toast things. Dang, they were good. So, comparatively, yes, one slice of sugar soaked toast with 4 oz of oj was the better choice.

I know better than this, though. I know that not every meal has to be an event. I know I can get by perfectly well with less. I just get so worked up when I see all this food in front of me. I've fought this battle before. Learned to take smaller portions at buffets and holiday dinners. Thrived on the feeling of never being "full". But it takes concentration to do that. When I close my eyes and just relax and live my life, old habits pop up and the easy way is to eat until no more fits.

This Blog is About Me Being Fat

My name is Katie and I've been fat pretty much my whole life. I mean, I was a chunky kid, but looking back, being fat was more about perspective. I think I was just an early bloomer and mistook my bigger size for being fat. I do know that I have perceived myself to be fat for as long as I remember, and it took college and lots of trips to Taco Bell to make that perception a reality. It's only been downhill since then. I do not have a memory in which I perceived my body to be pretty. Lemme give you a weight run down. I am 5'8", and at my thinnest adult weight, I weighed 178 in high school. I remember being at 220 in my late college years, 240's around age 24, 283 at my wedding 4 months ago, and right now, at 33, I just weighed myself at 289. I did consider it a win, though, that my husband (who weighed exactly the same as me around our wedding date) now weighs 10 lbs more than me :)

I am fat, and since I'm in my 30's, I'm finding more reasons every day to want to lose weight. My left heel is in constant pain from something my dr calls plantar fasciitis, I have no energy to keep up with the elementary kids that I teach, I want to have babies, but now I find that I have PCOS as well, so that's going to be difficult until I get thinner, and lets just say being fat is a reason in and of itself to lose weight.

But my main reason for starting this blog was a hulu commercial for this site http://www.heartonmysleeveblog.com. I thought it was contrived and dishonest. It feels like there may be a real person losing the weight, but someone in PR was writing the blog. Cheep, demoralizing, and boring.

I'm in a rut. My husband likes me fat and he likes to EAT! He won't disown me if I'm thinner, but his insecurity will kick in and make him afraid that I won't want to be with him. It's almost like it was hard enough to get me motivated to be healthier when I was single, but now I'm married, I have to motivate him, as well. Last summer, he was motivated to eat salads at almost every meal. I was not so motivated and it flopped. It's so much easier to fry up some sort of meat and potatoes and stuff my face than it is to plan out healthier foods for us.

This is definitely not me ready to make a life change. This is me wanting to talk about being fat. Maybe next time I'll be motivated to become a healthy person. But right now. This is my fat blog. I may visit my old Chubbygrlsrn blog and cut and paste my old posts on here. I have lots to say about being fat in my day. Welcome. Maybe we can learn together about being people and laughing at ourselves.