That wasn't a question, that was meant to be a statement. But yes, I miss eating. I mean, that's a dumb thing to say because I eat all the time. What I mean is that I miss eating without reserve. I'm on the "Caring Diet", which means I have to have 5 cups of raw veggies (or 2.5 cups cooked), 1.5 cups fruits, and 16 oz of lean protein a day. Do you know what's missing from that list? EVERYTHING ELSE. No rice, no potatoes, no bananas, no nuts, no grains, no sugars, no cookies. . . . Okay, let me back up and explain what inspired this post. My husband went to Lawrence, KS last night. For anyone who does not live in the Topeka, KS area, Lawrence is the slightly smaller and much cooler/hipster/leftover hippy town about 20 minutes to the East of Topeka. It gets to be cool because it's a college town. Anyway, Rick went to Lawrence to hang out with his brother and help him install a cable cord or something like that. Afterwards, they went out to eat and Jeff took Rick to a bakery and bought him what I can only assume was a dozen cookies. There are about 6 left. I came downstairs this morning to weigh myself to see that bag of cookies on the coffee table. Let me just insert a little factoid about myself. I love baked goods. I haven't been able to have any for almost 5 months. Anyway, I waited a long time before I peeked inside the cookie bag and saw the Snickerdoodles. Oh crap. One piece was broken off a cookie, so I let myself take the tiniest of nibbles. I savored the flavor of the cinnamon and baked goodness, being really proud that I could take such a small bite and be satisfied. That was until my brain said, "no, that's not what I care about." My food problem has never been about enjoying flavors. I mean, I do, but the real
problem was that I enjoy the feeling of a full mouth. I don't know how else to explain it. I'm a big bite girl. Always have been. To me, "eating" is cramming as much food into my mouth as possible, chewing it up, and swallowing in big gulps. That tiny bite isn't what my body was craving. It wanted that whole piece mushing around in my face. I didn't DO it! Instead, I got on here to vent. Maybe that's an equivalent to an alcoholic who doesn't drink for the taste, but for the rush of feeling drunk? I don't know. I still get to stuff my face, it's just with 5 cups of raw veggies (or 2.5 cups cooked), 1.5 cups fruits, and 16 oz of lean protein a day. I've been getting really good at making egg white omelettes. Maybe I'll go make one right now. It'll wash the Snickerdoodle taste out of my mouth.
