Luckily, my last show was there to lift my spirits in that I wasn't so worried about me or Rick, and more concerned about the girls in the Playboy Mansion. "The Girls Next Door" was my last stop. Mos' def not a show I can watch with Rick simply b/c he would see something totally different from what I see. He would see scantily clad women and sex, Sex, SEX! I see self-loathing sadness. Denial, pain, and jealousy are covered up by having fun and making people laugh. They're using charm and humor like makeup. It's hiding the blemishes and the wrinkles of their lives. I watched the first show. I know at least three women live with this emotionally stunted man, and they all consider themselves to be one of his girlfriends. The #1 girl lives in his room with him and is devoted to him. What I know she said: She thinks this is the best relationship she's ever been in, and while he has said the same to her, she's not sure if he's serious or just saying it to her. She also at the end of the show admitted to hoping one day to be this man's only girlfriend.
How sad. The man is in his 70's or 80's. He collects girls like he collects pets. He's been doing it for an obscene amount of time. He's not going to magically wake up one day and only be there for her. These girls can't honestly believe what they have is a real relationship. It's a harem at best. The only way for them to really be happy in love is to leave that house and find someone who loves them where they are at and who they love where they are at. You can't expect to love first and change later. That rarely works. He's not impressed with their beauty. He gets plastic, perfect beauty every day. Not only does he have three girlfriends, but he's got a host of other girls just waiting to be a part of the club. It reminds me of when I started buying beta fish because there were so many different colors and shapes. I kept buying them up in search for that one perfect beauty. This is like that. Those women don't mean anything real to him. They are there to look good and keep him occupied when he's lonely or bored.
What that #1 girlfriend is in search of is what we all want; one true love that you don't share with anyone. How bizarre to have something coveted by my social superior. She's beautiful and skinny and perfect, but I'm the one with the husband that's all mine. He sees all of me and finds me irresistible. This man in the playboy mansion can't see this woman for who she is or what she's worth. Both of the fat people on the Extreme Makeover shows were holding off to find love because they thought they were too fat. Truth is, love will find you no matter what size you are, but you have to decide that you're worth it. You have to decide that the attention and affection you are receiving is genuine and that you are healthy enough to give it back. How can I, a 270 lb fat girl from Kansas know more than a beautiful, cosmopolitan woman from wherever?
Bizzare. I need to go to bed and join my ever loving husband.
