I find myself being really offended by the Special K commercials that have SKINNY people taking the Special K challenge to lose 5 lbs.  And keep it off.  By drinking their shakes and eating their cereal.  Why can't thin people be happy the way they are?  I would love to be in a place where 20 or even 40 or 50 extra lbs stuck to me.   Last time I checked, with my height and bone structure, my ideal weight is 140.  That means I'm 160 lbs fatter than I should be.  I'm two fat people.  That's a rough truth.

I've been on diets similar to the Special K one.  It's a lot of work.  You change your lifestyle, but it's fun at first.  It's a project.  But then life hits and you go back to "the norm".   Let me tell you, no one's "norm" is to drink a shake that you have to convince yourself tastes good twice a day.  It offends me to think that people who are already thin are out there busting their humps to be, what?  Thinner?

So stupid.

Does Fat Get To Be Beautiful?

A few years ago, I thought it would be fun to blog for my local newspaper, so I volunteered my time to write a blog about being a chubby single girl in Topeka.  I posted two segments, one about the evolution of fat in pop culture as I saw it and another one, well, I forget.  What I do remember was the response I got to my blog.  I only had a handful of people leave comments, but one in particular stuck out to me and may have been the reason why I didn't continue writing for the Capitol Journal.  After my post about how fat girls are beginning to be able to dress fashionably and even have some sway over the opposite sex (as in the song "I Like Big Butts") someone commented that being fat wasn't healthy and that such advances for the fat community were a step back for our society.  I had to stop and think about this.

My first reaction was man, I hate that guy.  But there is a truth to what he was saying.  No, we don't want our children to grow up idolizing fat as the ultimate goal, just like we don't want them idolizing anorexia as the ultimate goal.  Both are terrible on the human body but the main difference is, one is idolized while the other is still seen as grotesque and asexual.

I read comments on an article last week about a plus sized model doing (tasteful) nude photos because she is proud of her body.  The people who weighed in on this article were either in love with this sized 12 model or hated her.  The sentiment was, if you liked this girl, skinny people sucked.  If you preferred skinny, then this plus sized model was hideous and should be ashamed.

Here's what I think.  No, my weight is not ideal.  It is harmful to my body and I need to make changes to my diet and exercise routine if I want to have a long and healthy life.  Yes.  That is no secret.  But right now, I am this way.  Because I am fat, am I to be exiled to a world of stretch pants and greasy hair?  No!  I can't do that. I'm going to shower, I'm going to wear makeup and I'm going to look for companies that can put me in nice clothes.  Now.  That means I need plus sized models to exist and be proud to wear my size 22 clothes.  I need fashion industry people to make these clothes for people my size.  I'm not asking that the world go on a campaign to promote overeating.  I'm asking the world to allow me and people like me to have a chance to be beautiful.

Fat comes with a stigma.  There are people literally starving themselves because they would rather die than look like me.  If you are fat, you do not deserve to be happy and confident.  The world needs us to to feel bad about how we look.  We are not beautiful, and everyone knows that only the beautiful deserve the best jobs, the nicest things, and love.  Fat people don't get to be in love.  Guess what?!  I met a guy who looks me fully in the face, hips, arm fat, thighs, fat rolls, and butt and sees someone worth loving.  The skinny people don't have a monopoly on love!  Take that!!

Yes, I understand the concerns some people may have about plus sized models, but get over it!  Fashion conscious fat people exist.  We are a valid market and we deserve to spend our money on nice things just as much as anyone else.  We deserve our chance at being beautiful.  Why can't we view all  shapes and sizes as beautiful? Why does it just have to be the skinnies?  I say it doesn't.

So, my work has a health initiative program that kind of sucks.  We've had $20 a month health care for years.  I only had it for one year before they started the initiative, but I think that's long enough to get used to it.  The health initiative requires all USD 501 employees to sign participate in healthy activities every quarter.  Last year, when it started, we were only asked to participate in one activity per quarter, this year it's two.  If we do not fill out the proper paperwork, our health insurance spikes up to $110 a month.  My high morals have been put to the test on this one.  They have failed me.  I am not involved in any of the approved activities.  There's a stubborn side to me that doesn't want to exercise now that a knife is being held to my throat.  The high road would be for me to say "Forget you! I'll exercise when I want to!"  Yup.  That would be great.  Unfortunately, we can't afford that.  So then my incredibly high moral standard would then require me to fall in line and exercise as I have been directed.  Yup.  That hasn't happened.

What have I been doing for the past year?  I have been lying. . . kind of.  This all started in January 2011, right after I got married.  One of my options in this program is to keep an exercise log.  The idea is, I work out at least three times a week at home for 30 minutes of my own time and keep record of it.  So. . . I've been recording the number of times Rick and I have sex and labeling it "Cardio".  Lying, but not really.  I was fastidious at first about exact dates, but after the first quarter, I just started guessing about dates.  Our average "doing it" rate is about 3 times a week, normally ranging from 20 to 45 minutes.  Lying, but not really.

So, I am aware that I am only hurting myself.  I continue to do things to trip myself up and weaken my health.  I continue to live in pain and not fit in public chairs or fit in my clothes.  But at least I'm not slaving away for my communist overlords, right?  Right?